I Don't Dance
by TheDiamondEffect
Summary: Ryan has been struggling to cope with his feelings for Chad since that baseball game, but can they stay secret for long? And what will happen when the truth comes out?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N So I was watching HSM the other day and I had a weird moment where I realised that Chad and Ryan were meant to be so I decided to write this fanfic because of all the feels. It will get kind of angsty in a ****while, but for now it's kind of innocent. **

**Hope you like it, please leave a review/ comment!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM. If I did "Chyan" would be together.**

* * *

Ryan couldn't stop thinking about Chad. Ever since that baseball game, he felt his stomach flutter whenever Chad was around.

_That_ baseball game.

Chad would probably deny it, but there was definitely sexual tension in the air that day. He loved when Chad danced, because Chad was so much better than he believed. And then, Chad suggested that they change clothes as a sign of good sportsmanship (whatever that was). The feeling of Chad's clothes on his skin... It had just made this little "thing" so much worse.

Not that he could tell anyone about it.

Ryan had always known he was gay. When the other boys talked about girls and how 'hot' they were, he just didn't feel anything. He could see they were pretty, sure, but he just didn't want to be with any of them like_ that. _Not the way he wanted to be with Chad.

No one knew he was gay. Well, he hadn't told anyone, but it wasn't exactly hard to guess. Ever since he was little he had wanted to play with dolls and to play dress up with Sharpay. For his 5th birthday he had asked for a pair of dress up high heel and a matching handbag. He wanted to tell people, but he was terrified of how people would react. He wouldn't be able to handle the looks, the whispers, the rumors.

He knew he couldn't hold it in much longer though. Keeping silent was slowly eating Ryan emotionally. Even Sharpay had noticed a change in his mood, and she rarely noticed anything except herself. Ryan knew he had to tell someone, and even though he didn't want to, the only person he could tell was Kelsi, his best friend of 9 years. It wasn't that he thought she'd judge him, or react badly- with Kelsi it was the complete opposite. She would want him to do something about it, like telling Chad, and that definitely wasn't a good idea. Even if Chad felt the chemistry, he wouldn't admit it. None the less, Ryan had to tell someone so Kelsi it was.

Ryan was nervous asking her to meet him in the auditorium, but that was where he felt most comfortable- near a stage and a piano.

"But- Ry, why are you so nervous? And what do you want me in the auditorium for? Did you want to run a number or something?" Kelsi had asked, looking confused.

"Yeah.. umm... something like that. Just meet me there, ok?" Ryan had mumbled before walking away.

All through classes that day Ryan found his mind wandering and he couldn't focus on anything. Even in drama, which was his favorite class, he couldn't stop fidgeting and Mrs. Darbus had to call for his attention 3 times- a record for him, and not in a good way.

The end of the day came much too quickly for Ryan. He felt his stomach flutter and his palms begin to sweat as he walked to the auditorium with his bag slung over his shoulder. He felt slightly relieved when he arrived and he saw that Kelsi was running late, but he knew that it wouldn't be long. He sat down at the piano while he was waiting and he began to randomly press the black and white keys lightly, before forming the notes he was pressing into chords.

_When your day is long and the night _

_The night is yours alone_

_When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on_

_Don't let yourself go _

_Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes._

Ryan put everything he had into the words he was singing, and he felt the emotions and the pain pour out of him. Everything he couldn't say, he sung through the words of R.E.M.

He had just reached the second verse of the song when he heard footsteps behind him. Looking around, he saw that Kelsi had arrived, and she motioned to him to keep singing, so he did. 3 verses and choruses later, he played the last chord, and as soon as the sound faded he felt Kelsi hug him from behind.

"That was wonderful, Ry. But... What were you singing about?" Kelsi asked, looking confused again.

"Well... That's actually what I called you here to talk about."

Ryan swallowed nervously. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But- no- he really did need someone to talk to.

"I'm gay," he blurted out.

"_That _was what you wanted to talk about? No offense, Ry, but I've known that since we were 7 playing dress up and dolls together. It isn't exactly a big shock."

"Y-you knew?" Ryan gasped. He felt both relief and terror at the same time- what if other people had guessed?

"Yeah, I did, but I didn't know if you were ready to talk about it. Have you told Sh...anyone else yet?" asked Kelsi, raising her eyebrows.

"You mean Sharpay? No, I haven't told her yet. Ugh, why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be different?" Ryan said, running his hands through his hair.

"Ry... would you seriously want to be normal? You're so much better as you are. I probably wouldn't be here listening to you if you were 'normal'," Kelsi replied.

"You DON'T UNDERSTAND. People will look at me weirdly, they'll whisper about me, call me names. I won't be able to take it." Ryan could feel himself getting more and more worked up.

"Ry- Ry- stop. You need to stop doing this to yourself. Being honest, I think most people have guessed by now, and those who haven't don't care. And- if they do act weirdly- just ignore them. Because you're so much better than them," said Kelsi, hugging him again.

"That's not all though, Kels. I like someone. Someone who will probably never like me back. I can't tell him, I couldn't face getting rejected. I don't know what to do, it's eating me inside."

"Ry... who is it? You can trust me, I promise," said Kelsi.

"It's... it's Chad."


	2. Now or Never

_**A/N: This is a lot shorter than the first one, but I had to introduce Chad and set up some of the plot lines. The next chapter will have more story, and Chad and Ryan will also have their first scene together. :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I **_**_don't own HSM. :( Sadness. _**

* * *

Chad was exhausted by the time he walked out of practice that day and definitely in need of a hot bath when he got home. Coach Bolton had been especially hard on them because of the big game the following week against the Coachwood Bears, and he was feeling the pain now.

It took Chad 20 minutes to walk home after basketball practice and he was hungry as well as tired.

"Hey mom, I'm home," he called as he entered the house.

"Hi darling, how was practice? I have water on if you want a bath, I know how coach Bolton likes to run ye close to the games," Mrs Danforth called back.

Chad smiled when he heard this. His mother knew him so well.

Half an hour later Chad was out of the bath, with his muscles feeling much better.

"Dinner, love," his mom called again. The day just seemed to be getting better and better.

"So... Where's Dad?" asked Chad.

"Oh, he had to go to New York for a few days on work again, but he promised he'd be back for your game," his mom replied.

Chad felt slightly disappointed that his Dad was just gone again, but he supposed it would be o.k. If he was back for the game. He was always off to New York for business, but Chad still felt a little bit empty when he just left without saying anything.

After dinner Chad decided that he'd run through the choreography Ryan had given him for the musical number "Now or Never." They were still only going through possibilities for the musical, but Ryan had wanted to get a head start with some of the choreography.

Chad always felt like he was the only one who just couldn't get the steps right. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't keep in time with the music. Add a basketball to the dancing and he had no chance of getting through it.

"Step, step, step-ball-change, bounce and throw, catch," Chad said out loud as he moved his legs, trying to keep in time.

_This is the last time_

_to get it right!_

_This is the last chance_

_to make it or not!_

_We gotta show_

_what we're all about (TEAM)_

Chad could feel already that he was out of time, but he didn't know what to do to fix it. It was hopeless. He couldn't really ask anyone else for help either- Troy would mock him forever, as would the rest of the guys, and telling Ryan he couldn't do it would be admitting failure.

After running over the moves for another hour and not getting anywhere, Chad decided he was going to have to ask someone for help, no matter how embarrassing it would be.

Picking up his phone, he scrolled through it looking for Troy's number, but halfway down he changed his mind. Ryan would be more understanding, and he was the one who had made up the choreography. Yes, he'd ask Ryan.

_**Hey, Ryan, I'm having a bit of trouble with the choreography. Any chance you could help? **_

That would do. It wasn't ideal, but it didn't exactly show how desperate he was either, which was good.

Beep- beep- beep.

Chad's stomach fluttered in anticipation of Ryan's answer. It could all go horribly wrong if Ryan wasn't understanding- his reputation would be in shreds. Checking his phone he felt a slight disappointment when he realized that the text was from Taylor.

_**Hey Wildcat! On my study break- how was practice? All ready for the game? I was just texting to ask if you wanted to get lunch together tomorrow, meet at my locker? **_

Chad sighed. Taylor was his girlfriend, but she was also a lot of work, and he really wasn't up to work just then.

_**Yeah, sure, cool.**_

Just then Chad's phone beeped again. This time it _was _Ryan.

_**No problem. Do you want to go through it tomorrow or something? I can do lunchtime, if that's good? **_

Chad didn't think. If he had he would have realized, but he just forgot about Taylor.

_**Thanks so much, bro. I'll see you then. (:**_


	3. Broken and Bruised

**_A/N: This chapter is more... angsty? than the others so don't read it if you don't want dark I'm quite happy with how it turned out though. Hope you like it!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own HSM. :(_**

* * *

Ryan was nervous.

Chad had asked him to help with the "Now or Never" dance number for the musical, and the fact that it was only going to be the two of them practicing sent shivers down his spine.

He arrived in the dance hall early and began to rehearse his own dance while he was waiting for Chad. Just as he finished it a second time he saw Chad walk in the door and his heart began pounding again.

"Hey... Thanks for doing this, bro," Chad said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Seriously, it's no problem. I'm always happy to help. Lets take Now or Never from the top, ok?" Ryan walked over to the CD player and switched the track form "I Want It All" to "Now or Never." As the track began to play, Ryan counted them in and both of the boys began to dance.

Yet again, however, it wasn't long until Chad was out of time.

"Ok. Stop," Ryan called.

He felt his heart pound a little when he saw the disappointed look on Chad's face.

"It's not bad. You know the moves, you just need to learn to keep in time with the music," Ryan said.

Looking around for inspiration desperately, Ryan saw some nearby basketballs.

"Ok. Take this, and I'll take one too. You can play with a ball, so you can dance with one too."

Ryan walked over and picked up two basketballs, handing one to Chad.

"Dude- What? I can't do this. I can't dance without a ball, how do you expect me to dance with one?" Chad looked nervously towards the ball. He usually felt like the basketball was part of him; like it was an extension of his arm, but it couldn't have looked more foreign just then.

"Chad. Look at me," Ryan said, nearly getting lost in the brown eyes as he did so. "You can do this. I know you can. You play basketball right? Well this is the same. You're moving with a ball. That's it. Just follow my lead."

As he said that Ryan began to bounce the ball with a steady rhythm.

"1, 2, 3, 4," Ryan counted as he bounced. "That's all you have to do. Those are called crochets- each is one beat."

Chad hesitantly began to bounce the ball, but quickly found that he could do it quite easily and Ryan moved him onto harder rhythms. Eventually, he was adding in moves too, and by the end of the lunch period he had the whole dance. Just like that, because he added a basketball.

"Thanks dude," Chad said, patting Ryan on the back again. "Oh and... one last thing... Could you possibly keep this on the down low? Troy and the guys... They'd never let me forget this if they found out. Getting help with dance and all that, you know? I'd really appreciate that."

"Yeah. Sure. No problem," Ryan agreed. Chad looked so vulnerable, Ryan would have given him anything he wanted at that moment. God, he had to get this thing under control.

"Bye," Chad called as he left.

"See you," Ryan replied, but Chad was already gone.

Later that day, Ryan couldn't help but smile. He was just so _happy. _He had got an A in a math test, it was Friday, he had spent lunch with Chad and he had his own choreography perfected. He knew, at the back of his mind that it wouldn't last long. It never did when he was this happy; it always came crashing down sooner or later, and when that happened Ryan couldn't bring himself to feel happy about anything.

That day, for Ryan, things came crashing down on the walk home from school. Usually Sharpay drove him, but she was gone shopping with that friend of hers. _Tiara Gold. _What a stupid name.

Ryan was sort of glad to get a break from Sharpay though. She was his sister, and he loved her, but she could be a _lot _of work. The other day he had picked up a latte for her, and she had made him get a new one because it was slightly too milky. And just yesterday, he had put her socks down in the wrong order. Her _socks, _for gods sake.

Ryan usually found the twenty minute walk home quite relaxing, but this time it was different.

"Hey faggot," he heard someone call behind him, making his blood run cold.

"Yeah you. Heard you like boys, freak."

One of the other ones came up behind him, forcing him to turn around.

"Don't get too close boys. You might catch it, or he might try come on to us," said a tall, broad shouldered one at the back of the group.

_David, from the weightlifting team _Ryan thought, still not saying anything.

"Not gonna talk are you? Scared? That we'll hurt you? Or worse, that we'll out you?" a different one- Adam?- said, and they all nudged each other and sniggered, like it was some joke.

"I'm not scared," said Ryan defiantly.

"Not scared of us? Think you're a big boy, so, do ya? I'll make you scared of us," David snarled.

That was when the first punch came.

Ryan cried out, both in shock and in pain, and soon there were at least four pairs of hands coming towards him.

Five minutes later, he was lying on the floor in pain, and they were gone. They had also taken his phone and the ten dollar note that he had in his pocket, so he couldn't call anyone to collect him. There was only about ten minutes left to get home, however, so Ryan decided to pull his bruised self up and continue home.

By the time he got home the pain had doubled, and he had multiple bleeding wounds. There was no one else home, so he didn't have to explain about he bruises or cuts, which he was glad of.

Ryan began to fill a bath, not really sure where to begin with the cuts. He had never really cleaned cuts before- he guessed there was some lotion, but he decided to just stick to water.

It was only beginning to sink in to Ryan's mind, what had just happened. They knew he was gay. They didn't like it. They had called him a faggot.

As Ryan thought about the whole thing, he began to feel tears in his eyes. He just felt like _crap. _He just wanted to feel the same. Even to feel ok, if not the same.

That was the first time Ryan cut himself.

He wasn't trying to kill himself. He just wanted it to feel better, but if that couldn't happen he wanted to feel the same outside as in, and to put the pain somewhere.

He was sitting next to the bath when he made the cut on his wrist. It did make him fell a small bit better. It distracted him from the pain, and for a second he just _forgot. _

Ryan jumped when he heard the front door close.

_Shit. Fuck. Shit. Blood. What do I do? _he thought to himself, grabbing bloody towels and running to his room to cover his cut wrist.

_What have I done?_


	4. Gotta Go My Own Way

_**A/N: So this one's kinda short too, but next one will make up for that. I kind of had to get things moving after the last chapter, this is really more of a filler. Nonetheless I hope you enjoy it! Comment and reviews are welcome. :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM. **_**_  
_**

* * *

Chad felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders since he had finally gotten the dance right, thanks to Ryan. Now he could just relax and enjoy the weekend, maybe shoot some hoops without needing to worry about the goddamn dance. It had really been quite smart of Ryan to use the basketball, he had gotten it so much quicker then.

As Chad left the school that day he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw that he had one new message from Taylor.

_**Hey, need to talk to you. Come over?**_

He sighed. Recently his relationship with Taylor had just felt like work, work and nothing else. He still liked her but the spark was just... gone.

He supposed he'd have to go over. Maybe he should just break up with her- but he cared too much about her to do that. He didn't want to hurt her.

Chad arrived at Taylor's house within 10 minutes. When he knocked on the door he expected her to greet him warmly, but instead he was met with a glare.

"How could you?" she asked when she opened the door.

Chad was genuinely confused at this.

"How could I what? What did I do?" Chad replied, trying to remember if he had done anything wrong since he had seen her last.

"You don't even _know?"_ she asked incredulously. "Chad, do you not remember what we had planned for today? I ate lunch on my _own. _I waited for you.

The lunch. _Shit._ He had been so preoccupied with getting that bloody dance down that he had completely forgotten about that lunch.

"I completely forgot, Tay. I'm so sorry. I just- I mean- I was doing something. It just slipped my mind. Shit, I'm so sorry," Chad tried to explain how sorry he was.

"Doing _something? _I don't even get a proper explanation? You stood me up Chad. People were looking at me. People were whispering. I deserve an explanation," Taylor demanded.

"I can't tell you. I wish I could, but I just- can't. It doesn't have anything to do with you, but it just slipped my mind because of other shit. I'm so sorry," said Chad.

That was when she hit him.

"You were with another girl, weren't you? Chad, I trusted you. I can't believe you would do this to me," Taylor said, biting her lip. "Chad, I think maybe we should take a break."

"Are you- Are you breaking up with me." Chad was genuinely shocked.

"No, not breaking up. I just think we should spend a few days apart," She replied.

At that Chad spun around and left. He really didn't need to hear her accusing him of cheating or what ever other bullshit she was talking. For all he cared, they could be done permanently. No, that wasn't true. He still did care about her, he just felt a bit suffocated at times. But right then he felt a little bit more free than he had in a while- there was absolutely no pressure on him to be a good boyfriend, and it felt good.

* * *

When Ryan woke up the next morning, it took him a few seconds to remember what had happened the day before. What they had done to him, and what he had done to himself. Looking down, he saw the thin scar running across his left wrist. It didn't really hurt anymore when he ran his finger over it, just itched slightly.

_That was a one off thing _he thought to himself. _Things won't get that bad again._

Looking in the mirror Ryan saw that his face and arms were covered with bruises. He had no idea how he was going to explain them when his mother asked about them (which she would). He felt a surge of anger rise up in his chest. How could anyone seriously be that mean? Or that stupid?

Ryan knew that he had to get out of the house before anyone else got up. He still couldn't even begin to think about what he'd say.

_Kelsi. I'll text Kelsi _Ryan thought, grabbing his phone.

_**Hey- Are you around? Need to get out. **_

Ryan clicked send, feeling lighter already. Within 5 minutes he heard his phone vibrate with a reply.

_**Sure, Things ok? Coffee in Beanz, 20 minutes?**_

Ryan smiled. She knew him so well, she was exactly what he needed just then. He replied that he'd be there, snapped his phone shut and quietly left the house, glad to have somewhere to go.


	5. A Party?

_**A/N: Still moving kind of slowly, the plot will pick up in a chapter or two. **_

_**Please review etc.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own HSM.**_

"Attention, class."

It was a monday morning and Ryan was struggling to stay awake, even in drama, which was his favorite class usually.

He had intended to tell Kelsi, he really had, but when he had opened his mouth to do it he just hadn't been able to find the words. She had looked so concerned, so worried, that he couldn't possibly burden her with his problems which were so much worse than what she could have imagined.

"I said ATTENTION!" snapped Mrs Darbus. "There has been a final decision made as to the Senior Musical. We have decided to run with the suggestion made by Ms. Montez- a Senior Year musical."

Ryan could hear cheers from his classmates but he couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed- he didn't think a musical about them would have very much of a plot- at least an interesting one.

Ryan zoned out after that, and was jolted to his senses 40 minutes by the harsh ring of the bell which signaled the end of the period.

Ryan left the classroom straight away, not stopping and talking to anyone. He was nearly at the cafeteria by the time Kelsi caught up with him, and even then she nearly had to jog to keep up.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" she asked.

_Would she ever just let it go? _Ryan thought.

"Nothing, I'm just hungry is all," he lied.

"I know that's not it. I know something's bothering you, something you wouldn't tell me on saturday. If you want to tell me anything, you can trust me."

"It's nothing, really. Sharpay's just been a bitch recently. That's all," Ryan lied again.

Kelsi didn't look convinced but she let it drop as they walked towards the queue for food together.

"Look, here she comes."

Ryan nudged Kelsi and they both watched as Sharpay demanded to be carried up the stairs to their usual lunch space by some unlucky bystanders and ordered Tiara to go get her lunch.

"Who died and made her royalty?" Ryan heard someone nearby mutter, and inside he couldn't help but agree.

5 minutes later they both had trays full of something hot whit was apparently food, and they trudged up the stairs to where Sharpay was waiting (quite impatiently) for her food. When Tiara arrived, shortly after Ryan and Kelsi, she was met with a glare from Sharpay.

"Chop chop, Tiara. You kept me waiting, and Miss Evans does not like to be kept waiting," Sharpay said dramatically, while Ryan rolled his eyes.

"So... Sharpay, what do you think about the musical?" Kelsi asked timidly.

"I have all of my outfits ready, for when I'm picked as the lead- as myself, of course. I'll be expecting numbers in every scene- starring me. You'd better start writing for me, Kelsi," Sharpay finished, finally coming up for air.

"Doing choreography with the basketball team is going to be challenging," Ryan interjected. "At least I've already taught it to Chad."

"Yeah, that and what else?" said Tiara snidely.

"What?" replied Ryan, hoping no one saw him blush.

"What?" Tiara replied quickly, smirking.

Just then Troy came up to their table, which was quite unusual. Even though he did take part in the musical, he wasn't seen dead near the drama table normally.

"Hey guys," Troy said, sliding onto the bench next to Kelsi. "So I'm having a party at my house next weekend, and you are all invited. So will I be seeing ye?"

"Hmm... A party with sweaty basketball animals is _so _middle class," replied Sharpay.

"We'll be there," Kelsi said quickly, before Sharpay could do any more damage.

"Cool," replied Troy, walking away.

A party. The idea seemed foreign to Ryan- he never got invited to these things.

A party.

Just then the warning bell rang and students began to leave the cafeteria.

"Carry me to class," Sharpay tried to demand of Ryan and Kelsi, but Ryan was not in the mood to deal with her, so he walked straight past her out of the cafeteria.

"So what are you wearing?" he asked Kelsi as they walked to class.

"I dunno.. I don't really have anything. Come shopping with me?" Kelsi replied.

"Sure," Ryan replied.

_A party._


End file.
